Blogger Notes

My 21st birthday is coming up and, lately, I've been hit repeatedly by the thought that when my parents were this age they were getting married and popping out babies. Ok, only two of them. We're not talking octo-mom or anything, but that doesn't erase the complete terror I feel when I think of ME having babies at this age.

Nope. Not happening.

I'm obviously quite happy that meeting, falling madly in love, getting married and starting a family at such a young age worked out so well for my 'rents (and me... duh), but I can honestly say I'm nowhere near ready for that.

Which is obviously a good thing since I'm single (and chronically so, it would seem).

That isn't to say I don't WANT to find my soul mate and curl up with him on the couch with blankets and watch the snow fall with the fake fireplace on the TV and Mannheim Steamroller playing softly in the background with the cat purring happily next to us and the Christmas tree all... wait... sorry, I'm getting carried away.

Yeah, that'd be great. Sign me up. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. Nor should it be, for that matter. I don't take this soul mate business lightly. Which is good, really, because I can help make up for all the morons who do (take it lightly, that is).

I want that more than anything in the world. But I don't want it just so I can say I have it. I don't want to have a boyfriend or fiance or whatever just so I can FINALLY click that box on Facebook that says "In a Relationship" (I admittedly wonder what that feels like).

I want someone I can rely on and trust. Someone who will love me the way I DESERVE to be loved. Someone who will give back to me all I give to him. Someone who cares. Someone who will make me a priority in his life as he will be a priority in mine. Someone who will treat me well and make me feel good about myself.

I deserve that. We all deserve that. And I refuse to settle until I find it. That could mean waiting another 21 years and, if that's the case, so be it. I don't doubt that someday that ship will come in.

In the meantime, I'm fine being with just me. I'm cool with being single. I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed going out alone.

I think we should all have the courage to dance by ourselves for a while. Besides, we have to be really good at dancing alone before we can learn to dance with someone else. That's what I think, anyway.